Estranged wife of Gongo Aso hit maker, Toni
Payne has decided to close old wounds by
forgiving 9ice after the two seperated 6 years
ago in a messy divorce.
She took to her website to pen an emotional
letter to the father of their 7-year-old son,
Zion.
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January 6, 2016
“It has been a good 6 years and
now I can categorically say I have
let go of all bitterness and hate I
felt for a man I once loved. It has
been an uphill journey but to find
myself here is a blessing.
Without getting into detail and
backtracking too much, I’ll
summarize it as a lot of naivety, a
lot of bad decisions, and a lot of
untrained media professionals ready
to blow things out of proportion.
A man sang a song and for whatever
reason known to them, Nigerian
Media “professionals” decided to
tag it as what it was not, and a lot
of Nigerian onlookers decided to
help spread it without knowing if it
was true or not and unfortunately
for me, I was caught in the
crossfire. A lot of people formed
opinions about me, some even hate
me till today for something that was
mere fiction. Such is life right?
Till today, I still wonder how things
got that far. I wonder how things
got so nasty. I wonder how a once
beautiful relationship turned so
sour so quickly.
These days, we talk – a lot. We talk
about what happened and how we
got here. These days, we can now
joke and laugh about the past. I ask
a lot of questions because I really
want to understand him and put
myself in his shoes. I also hope he
understands my every reaction and
puts himself in my shoes.
Through all the mess, we never
really talked deeply about things.
There was too much resentment on
my side for me to want to allow him
in. There was too much bitterness
in my soul to ever want to forgive. I
honestly never thought this day
would come – that is how angry I
was. There is a Yoruba proverb that
states “when the ocean rises, you
don’t rise to meet it.”
For every action there is a reaction
and for every reaction there are
consequences. I think sometimes,
when you are finally in a good place,
it is good to talk. Don’t just leave
things like that, reach out to each
other and talk about things. It is
good for both parties to get closure.
It is good to try to understand each
other and move on with peace in
your heart.
He stands by his reasoning that he
never mentioned my name or ever
accused me of such, and even
though I agree with him that he
never accused me of anything, I
stand by my reasoning that he still
should have defended me against a
very wicked rumor. He argues that
he felt it would have escalated
things, I argue that things got
escalated because he did not speak
up. We both believed in our
decisions at that point. He felt
silence was the best answer, I felt I
needed to defend myself for
posterity sake. At the end of the
day, it is what it is. When the noise
calms, we still have to deal with
each other. When the curtains fall,
we still need to have each others
best interest at heart.
I am not perfect but I can
categorically say I did my best to be
a good woman to him. I still do. I
believe deep down inside, he knows
this. I do all possible best never to
speak ill of him publicly – and as
far as I know, he does the same for
me.
After everything we went through, I
always say it is best to keep your
private life private. I write this
today not to deviate from that but it
would be unfair to forgive
wholesomely for something that was
so “Public” while leaving the
impression that I have not. I know a
lot of people think I hate him- I
don’t!.
I also write this today not to bring
up the past but to go on record and
let anyone that feels bitter inside
know that it only gets better. Trust
me, if I can move on from an entire
nation thinking I cheated when I
did not, you can also forgive
whomever hurt you. Just let love
and kindness in your heart.
Bitterness is a heavy weight to carry
and now I feel 100 times lighter.
I believe the younger ones can learn
a lot from our errors and most
importantly learn about forgiveness.
In life, we can only predict what we
want from it, we can never ever
guess 100% what it will give us. I
spent so many years caring what
others think till I realized in this
life, the opinion of others is just
that – an opinion.
I believe I am starting my 2016 off
in the right direction. I hope to
work on forgiving others who
contributed to this chapter in my
story. I believe this is a great place
to start. At the end of the day, we
are family and I am eternally
grateful for the grace to see this
day.” -Toni Payne
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